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I’m going crazy about daddy

Father’s Day. The person who doesn’t go to the bathroom, answer the phone, or leave the house. Same as Mother’s Day – only cheaper. It’s Mother’s Day after taxes.

A father. The relatives you like to touch.

They are full of tenderness: George W. Bush: “I was in the war. I raised twins. I would rather go to war.”

Jerry Lewis: “When I said, ‘Take me to the zoo,’ Dad said, ‘If the zoo wants you, let them pick you up.'”

A great gift: In Raleigh, North Carolina, there’s a real birdbath made with apple cider vinegar, brown sugar, and hot sauce that supposedly locks in the flavor of the turkey legs. It’s supposed to be great for Dad, though I’m not sure why.

Paternity leave

Hollywood love: An actor called his father long distance. For an hour they reminisced about their childhood and the wonderful times they had together. When they hung up, the father asked: “By the way, who is there?”

It’s not about what you buy him, but who you give it to. One child: “My father can beat your father.” The other child said: “Are you kidding? Your father Is my father.”

When Ben Affleck and his new surrogate wife got married, it was early in the morning, so she didn’t waste a whole day when things didn’t work out.

When asked what gift to give the newlyweds, one of the children replied: “About three months.”

His new bride – already divorced four times and repeatedly married in a low-maintenance wedding dress – was never able to keep an audience with him.

According to the Bible, Abraham – who probably did not memorize the story but remembered it – was 100 years old when Sarah gave birth to Isaac.

Actors are similarly good at memorizing. The new Hollywood fathers: De Niro, 80, and Pacino, 84.

There are songs about birds, bees, dogs, cats, many about mothers – by Kanye, Elvis, Tupac, Dolly, Nicki Minaj, Taylor Swift, the Rolling Stones, Stevie Wonder, Billy Joel, Carrie Underwood, the Backstreet Boys, Alicia Keys, Justin Bieber. Not really for fathers.

In the cartoon with Pops

Since it was Father’s Day, Pixar released Inside Out 2. Anyway, it stars Amy Poehler as Joy, Lewis Black as Anger and new kid June Squibb as Nostalgia. She’s 94.

The film is about what the kids feel inside. Who would have thought? What’s there is mostly Starbucks.

More and more children’s films are taking over the screen. Now comes Austin Butler, who played Elvis and hung out with Leo in Tarantino’s “Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood”.

Now he rides motorcycles in “The Bikeriders.” Motorcycles with engines.

“I grew up riding motorcycles with my dad. We would go on long trips from California to Arizona. When I was 16, my dad said, ‘You need to learn to ride a motorcycle,’ so he put me on the motorcycle.

“My parents didn’t pressure me into anything like that, so watch the film and tell me about it. Make a summary.

Happy Father’s Day. Remember, most marriages in show business are specialized around four essentials: a Japanese gardener, a Filipino house servant, a French maid, and a lawyer who talks cash.

And not just in New York, kids, not just in New York.

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